Still That Bitch (2013 through 2019)

Well, howdy doo day. It's been a few years. Shit got weird.

Let's be real. Shit was never normal in my life.

Let's break it down

Timeline style

You have to appreciate chronological order

Let's begin with 2013.

June 2012: Came back to Arkansas from New Orleans, decided to dip out to Never Never land. Threw on a wig and worked at Hooters. Schiller House times

July-December 2012: Moved to Costa Rica, befriended payasos at Parque Morazon, developed plan to eventually become an expat, befriended graffiti artists Pain and Piloy, somehow got involved with a group of breakdancers

December-April 2013: Came back to Arkansas, yeeted the fuck out and moved to Mexico. The teaching program was a fraud. I somehow became a university professor after getting TEFL Certification online. Dated a marimba player that got me involved in santisima muerte. Idiot from TJ stalked me so I dipped to Cordoba, Veracruz. Eventually came home.

May 2013-July 2013: Worked at a Mexican restaurant in Arkansas. Tried to reconnect with people, failed, got a cat, moved back to New Orleans. Joined a hip hop crew, became a pedicab driver, and worked selling scooters and 4 wheelers by Desire housing projects. Had a summer fling with a Honduran guy. He locked me in a trailer and a bunch of Vatos Locos got me out and I dumped him.

August-February 2014: Returned to college, found out I was pregnant. Took 21 credit hours to graduate on time. Lots of vomiting and public transportation. Had a burglary, couch hopped, moved to St. Thomas housing projects.

February 2014: Baby daddy returned after finding out it was a boy. Made me form enemies in east New Orleans unknowingly by driving him away after he stole coke.

February-April 2014: Lots of abuse while in school taking 18 credit hours through 2nd and 3rd trimester. Kids dad stole my car frequently forcing me to walk everywhere. Beat every night, severe mental abuse. Bad times.

May 2014: Jove David was born. Finals completed. Accepted into Teach for America. Kids father locked Jove and I in car for 5 hours on Mothers Day, jumped out of the car because I couldn't stop crying. Last time I saw my kid's father.

June-August 2014: Happy baby times plus issues with mom overstepping boundaries trying to help and escalating trauma. She moved in against my will. Was too weak to argue. Started therapy.

August-December 2014: Volunteer teaching assistant, full time student, translator, and severely traumatized individual. Fights with mom escalated and she left, sister and her boyfriend arrived.

January-May 2015: Sisters boyfriend was a drug addict, frequently scared the shit out of him and let him know my level of crazy to protect son. Sister was unaware. Still tolerating too much shit due to severe past abuse. Moved to San Antonio.

May-July 2015: Befriended tattoo artists and breakdancers in San Antonio. Began trying to date despite it being a terrible idea.

July-February 2016: Job got very stressful, harrassment, administration wasn't helpful, was failing with punishment in class due to trauma and fear from severe abuse. Fired from first job out of college, returned to therapy. Diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety, and PTSD.

February-July 2016: Began mixing with an interesting fellow who had way to much lean and would take me to Fogo de Chao for lunch. Somehow was oblivious that he was a dealer. Ironically, he got me a job as a bilingual call representative. Simultaneously, pursued my teaching certification independently away from Teach for America.

August 2016- May 2017: Taught at a failing school, no time for friends or extracurriculars. Left to change careers after therapy finally regained confidence. Therapist let me know I was mistreated in job and needed work life balance.

May-July 2017: Moved to Arkansas with mom, previous issues from New Orleans still caused problems, got accepted into MBA program. Immediately got a job at the University. Took summer courses. I caught a bobcat during this time. Still mad that I didnt keep it.

August-December 2017: Full time MBA student and working as graduate assistant part time and in current job part time. Confidence built due to high scores and teamwork in class. Felt like I finally met people with my level of internal drive. Severe issues with mom pushing boundaries, moved out to get away.

January-June 2018: Full time student, full time at current job. Slowly piecing life together at 25 to figure out how normal people live. Began to get more involved in state parks. Got a new car.

July 2018: Break from MBA. Took my son to Blastball, became his soccer coach, more state park adventures with son. Working full time and not stressed.

August-November 2018: Toxic relationship that I believe was necessary to remove the last bit of self loathing from my system. Coaching soccer. Plans to move back in with mother and grandmother but Granny died.

November-February 2019: Went slightly insane for a bit and fell into a dark place after mental abuse and granny dying. Found out how to get a home, bought a home, applied to get my son into a highly rated charter school. Switched daycares, lots of initial expenses. Got 2 puppies.

March-May 2019: Still recovering from a lot of initial expenses. Son accepted into good school. Began budgeting and renovating. Trying to get back to stable place. Grandfather died. Quit drinking, quit smoking, quit caffeine, quit fast food.

And y'all wonder why I'm crazy the greatest thing that Arkansas ever produced.

Is She Weird?

WELL, HI THERE.

It has been quite awhile since I have updated this.

but I feel like I should.

I've done.. a LOT. 

I can't exactly go into detail for all of it. 

But I suppose I will start with February of 2012.

(I don't remember a lot of this)

MARDI GRAS

I began associating with train hoppers more.

They followed me for some reason.

I think it's cause I'm cute.

With this came ups and downs.

You only find beignets and jumbalaya when dumpster diving in NOLA.

But I started singing on the streets.

SIDE NOTE:

During Mardi Gras, all kinds of interesting liquor is left on the side of the road.

I drank things that I've never drank before.

And got connections with a publishing company in Ohio.

I'm currently almost done with my first book.

Oh, and watch the movie HERA PURPLE DEVIL GODDESS

It's awful.

I also got arrested for "obstructing the passageway"

I was petting a dog..

Oh, New Orleans!

This is my court citation..

BURNING IN A BARREL.

Had a missing persons report out for me.

Roommate tried to get me kicked out of college for letting homeless men use our shower

(Seriously, though? He was 18 and played guitar for you. Just a cute busker.)

School got mad at me.

Administration got in fights, I won supporters, now the school can't fuck with me.

Became homeless in the lower 9th ward.

Befriended a street artist named Senan and lived with him for awhile.

HE DENIED MY LOVE.

Do you want me to help you get to bed?

"But I'm in such close proximity to beer"

Moved in with Occupy protesters who found me on the side of the road after a parade.

(They threw me a wonderful birthday party in August)

Lived in a warehouse with protesters.

Still attending school.

Making art at the warehouse.

JUGGLING CONVENTION IN AUSTIN

Saw the Jaded Juggler (also known as Justin)

He's a performer in New Orleans that I'm friends with

Also saw PJ with his cockatial Sammy

Poor PJ..

Sorry for abandoning you..

In the middle of fucking NOWHERE

Damn PJ..

The last thing he ever said to me was,

"YOU'RE RUINING A BEAUTIFUL THING!"

after I ran away from him into the streets of Austin because he lied to me

and took me to the middle of nowhere to juggle instead of taking me to my friends

But I ran off to meet, drumroll, COLIN! 

A stupid boy from Arkansas that stole me from Charlie

He gave me 4loko,

I flug my panties in a tree,

wreaked havoc in the city,

danced in a gay bar,

ate Mexican Food with the members of the old band Ginsu Wives

(which ironically was the first house show I ever attended)

This was from that night..

at some point...

Don't remember much else.

But at 5 am I received a phone call that school van was stolen.

Oh shit.

Stuck in Austin, Texas.

Police told us to stay in a homeless shelter.

One of our students was in jail.

We got the van out and left the asshole in jail.

THE SURVIVORS

Towing place scratched up the University van..

Arrived in New Orleans at 3 am before Monday classes.

MAYBE I SHOULD SEPARATE THIS BY MONTH.

Coming tomorrow: March.

So happy

So, things started off a bit weird.

I just wanted a beer.

Some friends said they would get me some.

So I went off with them.

I ended up awkwardly sitting in a car,

in a graveyard,

looking at everyone strangly

as they took turns snorting cocaine out of a folded dollar bill.

My cellphone was referred to as a dope scope.

During this madness,

I texted Matt and Charlie trying to get someone to rescue me.

They both invited me to a bonfire party.

At first, it was awkward.

They both kept being weird towards me and kinda acting like I was there for them,

but they kept disappearing on me.

I chalked the walls.

Cute guy bursts in wanting to go on an adventure.

I'm going.

Train tower, away!

I went with 5 people.

Colin was so cute.

So sweet.

The other 3 left.

Colin and I talked about ourselves.

He was homeschooled.

Got his GED at 15.

Got really into Sonic Youth.

Joined bands.

Got into some drugs,

got out of some drugs.

His favorite animal is either a fox or a tiger.

He cooks great vegan food.

He is really sweet.

He has beautiful blue eyes.

He has fun hitchhiking and train hopping stories.

He likes adventures as well.

He let me wear his jacket.

He played at Kanis Bash.

He used to skate really well but stopped.

He gives me really sweet compliments and doesn't think I'm weird.

He had one hand with blue fingernails.

He has an interesting tattoo on his chest.

He loves Devo.

He likes Tiny Tim.

He's a really good kisser.

He promised to visit me in New Orleans.

He is really good at other things.

But the condom cockblocked me.

He has cute hair with a rattail.

His middle name is Alexander.

He sings to my favorite songs with me.

And we almost died together.

The wheel we were sitting in started turning to lower the tower less than 2 minutes after we left it.

The spotlights were turned on us.

We fleed.

We climbed over a train together.

We met each other, almost died together, and almost made love with each other.

All in all,

I think this guy is on my level.



Confessions of a Southern Punk Socialite

I need to stop this.

I get myself into far too much trouble.

If I can manage to cause this much chaos in Arkansas with my good luck,

who knows what I will manage in my remaining years in New Orleans.

Or even worse,

what if I travel?

I've already determined that it is a horrible idea for me ever to go to L.A.

And I banned myself from New York City when I was 14.

But I've been invited both places in the past 2 months.

One person even offered to pay for me.

No.

Nuh uh.

Nada.

I need to move into the woods.

Ripping the Bandaid off of the Puppy

My side is hurting extremely bad right now.

Potentially because the guy I was seeing makes me sit in extremely odd positions.

I'm going to stop seeing him.

First time hanging out.

He was an absolute sweetheart.

He bought me salsa and a soda.

I have never had a man buy me anything before. Other than nitrous oxide.

But honestly he wanted the nitrous oxide, not me.

And my ex-boyfriend bought me "oral sex candy" when I asked for Pop Rocks.

But this guy bought me salsa!

We went to go hang out at his house.

I told him my stories and issues, he told me his.

Somehow he managed to get kicked out of Canada.

I was merely lounging on the couch, sipping on a beer, and occasionally looking up music on the laptop.

The Internet was absolutely horrible there.

He was just chilling, smoking cigs after licking the end and dipping them in some powder.

Cocaine.

Oh fun! So I dated the coke-head?

He kept listening to me while nodding and cutting line after line of coke and snorting it.

He kept licking the knife after cutting each line to get the remaining powder.

He kept being brutally honest and sweet to me.

He told me I was beautiful and said guys just wanted to hurt me.

"They see that you are eccentric and think that you are more open-minded than most women. Which you are. But this leads them to believe that maybe you are more open-minded about sex. So they approach you in hopes that you will put-out easier than the blonde bimbos."

I still think that is some serious bullshit.

Said I was innocent.

(I agree to some extent, I suppose.)

Then we watched Almost Famous.

He kept daring me to look at his face annd called me mean when I broke the gaze.

He claimed my hand was his hand and we could share.

He got flustered when I shifted away from his body.

He kissed me.

I was extremely disapointed.

My favorite part of kissing is the feeling of the soft tip of the tongue and the tinge of smoke on the breath that I get from it.

His mouth tasted like cocaine and was rough from licking the blade.

Cocaine doesn't taste good.

He got flustered when I stopped kissing him.

He kept saying he was too nice.

I guess this means that I am mean?

I'm actually a very nice female.

But according to him, I didn't pay enough attention to him.

He made me stay until 6:00 am.

I was tired.

He wanted me to stay longer.

He texted me right when I got home asking if I got home.

Odd.

Day Two

He called me wanting to see me again.

Wait, make that 2 more times.

Nevermind, he moved it to three.

I decided to visit him after my other friends all passed out.

Most of my friends were drunk and 2 were on shrooms.

A third was kinda on shrooms.

Except, he ate only 1. Then got paranoid and barfed most of it up.

He only had mild effects from it and he was fucking thrilled.

Raced me to his car.

Over.

and Over.

I watched the Little Mermaid!

I also lost my car keys and had a panic attack.

Told those on shrooms that I would sleep in the street if I did not find the keys.

I found them.

But in other news..

This time the guy got angry when I wouldn't kiss him.

He was trying to stop me from leaving his house.

About three times.

He got angry with me for mentioning Charlie's name when I said we should watch "Charlie the Unicorn"

He got angry when I did not kiss him first thing.

And he kept saying that he hated me and I made him feel like shit.

I'm going to remove myself from this situation.

Rip the bandaid (kind of breakup except we aren't even dating?) off of the puppy (poor guy).

I like him as a friend.

I'll hang out with him.

He's just weirding me out.

Possessive.

Did I mention he's been obsessed with me for 8 years?

I need to fix this.

Wish me luck.



Another Monday

I think this is a better way of living.

In other news, I need to lecture Scar Face.

Dumb ass. If you are going to be a middle man (which you shouldn't), you should be able to distinguish differences.

Even if they are minimal.

Now I'm going to be freaking out over here because the kids I've essentially tried to teach and take care of all accidentally did crack.

Great job..

This could be a potato

I really want to scuba dive into the lakes of Arkansas and find the submerged ghost towns.

Then live there.

Too bad I'm not a fish.

In other news,

Here are some pictures of what has been occurring.

I don't know if I'll have explanations.

Jesus christ..

I'm looking through these pictures..

You don't need to see half of this.

Arkansas is weird.

I translated a Chinese website earlier with all of this fancy technology we have.

It told me to contact customer service small potatoes if I think "this" is a potato.

I did.

I'm not sure what "this" was referring to, so it very well could have been a potato.

You can't judge or assume anything.

By the way,

Shout out to my one and only follower.

Depending on what kind of toast you make, I like you.